Update on me

I thank everyone for the prayers and wanted to tell you that they are working. The last few days have been much better for me. Although I am still having lots of cramps, contractions, headaches, reflux (so bad I almost threw up a few times) and insomnia my attitude has been much better. After those few really bad days that had me crying in the shower (with Katya looking up at me wondering what the heck was going on) I have perked up. I am focusing on the fact that these are the last weeks of it just being me and Katya and I am trying to enjoy every moment.

I have been reflecting a lot on the impending birth and unfortunately that turned it to really negative thoughts last week. I kept thinking about how my body has let me down in the past with a very painful 3 month miscarriage; the weeks of painful false labor that ended in an induction with Katya; 2.5hrs of pushing ending with an episiotomy and then the retained placental fragments which landed me back in the hospital and the fact that my pregnancies have been hard. So I am now working hard to acknowledge these feelings and let them go. I think it has actually turning into a good thing because I did not realize how much how negative emotion I had about these things. I had a healthy baby and avoided a c-section so I have never felt bad about my experience until now (lots of people have it much worse). Several of the midwives have even commented about how challenging Katya's birth was after reading my history and it actually surprised me because I did not think it was that bad. But it turns out I do have a lot of disappointment in myself and in my experience and I think the best way to deal with it is know it is there and let it go.

I have been having a very fun week with Katya. I bought her a copy of Mary Poppins at Costco and let her watch it (even though she is not 2 yet..what a bad mother!) and I am afraid I have created a monster. She LOVES it! She is obsessed with the songs and dancing. She now points to the TV, does her "uhhh uhhh" whine and bounces up and down (dancing). We have been going on walks around the block and playing in the backyard lots and she is really into helping us with tasks (like cooking or cleaning). She has had a hard time falling asleep a few times this week. She never cried but was in her crib talking to herself for a good hour before she nodded off. It was so fun to listen to her through the monitor. She kept saying "Ni-night. Shush!" So cute.